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Old 26th June 2009
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Shakespeare002 Shakespeare002 is offline
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Originally Posted by asavleo View Post
fanof... seekho kuchh.. ise kahte hain devotion... girl's school mein humne zara si tareef kya ker dali... lekhak kuchh zyada busy ho gaye... wo samjhte hain ke bus unke hi paas kala hai... anyways.... hats of to vampire...
Tumhara sochna jayaj hai bhai... Maaf karna.. Par agar jindagi ijaajat deti to main 24#7 update karta rahta. Kass tumhe pata hota, Jindagi itni bhi bhayawah ho saki hai.. Jitni meri!
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  #572  
Old 26th June 2009
the_vampire the_vampire is offline
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Payal ne kapda lekar saman par dheere dheere marnte hue dhool hatani shuru ki. Barso ki chadhi hui dhool fauran hawa mein udne lagi aur Payal khaasne lagi.
"Idhar aa" Rupali ne use apne paas bulaya
Payal uske samne aakar khadi ho gayi. Rupali ne apne gale se dupatta hataya aur uske munh par is tarah baand diya ki uski naak aur munh dhak gaye. Dupatta bandhte hue vo Rupali ke theek samni khadi thi aur Rupali chahkar bhi apni nazren uski chhatiyon se nahi hata par rahi thi.
Payal ne dobara safai karni shuru ki. Rupali do kadam pichhe hatkar khadi use dekh rahi thi. Pehle tu Payal ek haath se safai kar rahi thi aur doosra haath apni chhatiyon par rakha hua tha par jab Rupali ne toka to usne doosra haath bhi haath liya aur chhatiyan khuli chhod di.
Rupali uske pichhe khadi use dekh rahi thi. Payal pasine mein poori tarah bheeg chuki thi aur uski salwar bhi uske jism se chipak gayi thi. Rupali use takreeban nangi halat mein dekhte hue uska jism uski maan Bindiya se milane lagi. Payal bhi apni maan Bindiya ki tarah achhi kad kathi mein dhali hui thi. Usmen dekhne layak baat ye thi ke vo bhi apni maan ki tarah ekdam dhali hui thi. Dono ka badan ekdam gatha hua tha aur kahin bhi halke se bhi motape ka nishan nahi tha. Payal apni maan se bhi dubli patli thi par jis cheez mein vo apni maan aur khud Rupali ko bhi hara deti thi vo thi uski chhatiyan jo uski umar ke hisab se kahin zyada badi ho gayi thi. Rupali ne uski chhatiyon ko ghoorkar dekha aur andaza lagaya ke Payal ki chhatiyan usse bhi zyada badi thi. Bindiya Payal se thodi lambi thi aur din raat chudne ke karan uski gaand thodi bahar nikal gayi thi.
Kaafi der tak Rupali is soch mein doobi rahi aur Payal dhool jhadne mein. Achanak Rupali ki nazar kamre mein rakhe ek box par padi. Box par koi tala nahi tha. Usne Payal ko rukne ko kaha aur box ke paas pahunchi aur use khola.
Box mein kuchh kapde rakhe hue the. Dekhne se lag raha tha ke kaafi arse se yahin pade hain. Khud use pata nahi tha ke kiske hain par ekdam theek halat mein the. Usne kuchh socha aur Payal ki taraf mudi.
"Kya lagta hai? Tujhe ye kapde aa jayenge?" Usne Payal se puchha
"Pata nahi" Payal ne kandhe uchkaye. Usne apna ek haath phir apni chhatiyon par rakh liya tha. Jism paseene se bheega hone ki vajah se dhool uske jism se chipak gayi thi.
"Pehenkar dekh" Usne sabse uper rakhi ek choli uthakar Payal ki taraf badhayi. Payal ne hath badhakar choli li aur dekhne lagi ke kahan se pehne. Achanak Rupali ne use rok liya
"Tere poore jism par dhool lagi hui hai. Aise mat pehen" Usne payal se kaha to Payal ruk kar apne aapko dekhne lagi.
Rupali ne box mein se ek kapda nikala jo dekhne mein ek purane dupatte jaisa lagta tha.
"Idhar aa" Usne payal ko ishara kiya
Payal ne apni chhatiyon ko haath se dhak rakha tha. Rupali ne uska haath jhatak kar ek taraf kar diya aur uske munh se apna dupatta kholkar ek taraf rakh diya
"Haath uper kar" Usne payal ke haath pakadkar uske sar ke uper kar diya. Payal ke dono chhatiyan uper ko khinch gayi aur vo haath uper kiye ajeeb nazaron se Rupali ko dekhne lagi.
Rupali ne haath mein pakde kapde se uske badan par lagi dhool saaf karni shuru kar di. Pehle payal ka chehra, phir uski gardan, phir haath aur phir vo dheere se kapda Payal ki chhatiyon par pherne lagi.
"Malkin main kar loongi" Kehte hue Payal ne apne haath niche kiye
"Khadi reh chup chap" Payal ne gusse se kaha to us bechari ne phir apne haath uper kar liye
Rupali ne phir uski chhatiyon par kapda pherna shuru kar diya. Usne mehsoos kiya ke Payal ki chhatiyan bahut mulayam thi jabki uski apni itni zyada nahi thi. Usne ek ek karke dono choochiyon par kapda phera to dhool hat gayi par Rupali nahi hati. Use Payal ki chhatiyon par kapda pherne mein bahut maza aa raha tha. Dheere se usne apne doosre haath ko bhi chhati par lagaya. Ek haath se usne chuchi pakdi aur doosre haath se saaf karne lagi. Payal ki choochiyan bahut badi hone ki vajah se apne hi vazan se neeche ko dhalki hui thi. Rupali ne apne haath se dono chhatiyon ko baari baari uthaya aur unke neeche kapda pherne lagi.
Saaf karna to bas ab ek bahana reh gaya tha. Rupali safai ke bahane Payal ki dono chhatiyan lagbhag ragad rahi thi. Kapde se kam apne haath se zyada. Usne mehsoos kiya ke Payal ki chhatiyan ko kaafi badi par nipples naam bhar ke liye hi the bas. Vo uske nipples ko apni ungliyon ke beeche mein pakad kar dheere dheere ghumane lagi. Payal ke munh se ek aah nikli to Rupali ne uske chehre ki taraf dekha. Payal haath uper kiye chup chap khadi thi aur usne apni aankhen band kar rakhi thi. Rupali ko samajh nahi aaya ke Payal ko maza aa raha tha ya usne sharam se aankhen band kar li thi. Khud uski halat to ye thi ke choot geeli honi shuru ho gayi thi. Rupali ko khud apne uper hairat ho rahi thi ke vo ek ladki ke jism ko aise sehla rahi thi jaise khud koi mard ho. Use Payal ka nanga jism dekhne mein maza aa raha tha jabki khud uske paas bhi vahi tha jo Payal ke paas.
Payal ki chhatiyon se thodi der khelne ke baad usne nazar neeche ki aur dheere se uske pet par haath phera. Payal ab use kuchh nahi keh rahi thi. Bas aankhen band kiye chup chap khadi thi par haan uski saans thodi tez ho gayi thi. Rupali ne halka sa pichhe hokar uski taango ke beech nazar daali. Paseene se bheegi hone ki vajah se Payal ki salwar uski choot ke uper chipak gayi thi. Rupali ne dekha ke usne andar panty bhi nahi pehni hui thi aur choot ke baal salwar ke uper se nazar aa rahe the. Rupali ke dil mein achanak Payal ko poori tarah nangi dekhne ke chah uthi.

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  #573  
Old 26th June 2009
the_vampire the_vampire is offline
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acha


Haan bilkul .............

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  #574  
Old 26th June 2009
the_vampire the_vampire is offline
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"Ismen kuchh lehenge aur salwar bhi hain. Tu vo bhi lehnke dekh sakti hai ke tujhe aayenge ya nahi" Rupali ne kaha aur Payal ki taraf dekha. Payal kuchh na boli aur na hi usne apni aankhen kholi.
Rupali aage badhi aur usne Payal ki salwar ka nada khol diya
"Malkin" Is baar Payal par fauran asar hua. Usne apne haath jaldi se neeche kiya aur ghutno tak sarak chuki salwar ko uper kamar tak khincha
"Kya hua? Ye salwar kya iske uper hi pehenke dekhegi?" Rupali ne kaha
"Main baad mein dekh loongi Malkin. Aap mujhe de dijiye" Payal ne jaldi se kaha
"Mere samne hi dekh. Saare ke saare tujhe thode de doongi. Muft ka maal hai kya. Do teen pehnke dekh le aur jo sahi aate hain vo rakh lena. Kuchh apni maan ke liye bhi nikal lena" Rupali ne kaha
"Main baad mein dekh loongi" Payal apni salwar chhodne ko taiyyar nahi thi. Usne khuli hui salwar ko aise pakad rakha tha jaise Rupali uske saath balatkar karne wali ho. Rupali ko gussa aane laga.
Vo aage badhi, Payal ko kandhe se pakda aur use lagbhag dhakka dete hue deewar ke saath lagake khada kar diya. Payal ki kamar pichhe deewar ke saath ja lagi.
"Chhod ise" Usne Payal ke haath pakadkar phir zabardasti uske sar ke uper kar diye. Salwar sarak kar Payal ke pairon mein ja giri. Vo haath uper kiye Rupali ke saamne madarzaat nangi khadi thi.
Rupali ne box mein se ek salwar nikali aur use Payal ki kamar se lagakar dekhne lagi
"Ye theek lag rahi hai" Kehte hue usne salwar ek taraf rakhi aur aise hi do teen kapde nikalkar Payal ki jism par laga lagakar dekne lagi. Payal ne phir aankhen band kar li thi.
"Are aankhen khol na" Usne Payal se kaha to Payal ne inkaar mein sar hila diya
"Hey Bhagwan" Rupali ne thoda sa gusse mein kaha aur Payal ke kareeb aayi "Mujhse kya sharma rahi hai. Main ek aurat hoon mard nahi. Mere paas bhi vahi hai jo tere paas hai"
Payal ne phir bhi aankh nahi kholi.
"Vaise ek baat kahun Payal" Rupali is baar thode naram lahze mein boli "Shukr mana ke main aurat hoon. Tu nangi itni sundar lagti hai na ke main agar mard hoti to tere saath yahin suhagraat mana leti"
Kehkar Rupali hasi to is baar usne dekha ke Payal pehli baar muskurayi
"Ab to aankhen khol de" Rupali ne kaha to Payal ne dheere se apni aankhen kholi. Rupali uske theek samne khadi thi. Dono ki nazren ek doosre se mili. Na Rupali kuchh boli aur na hi Payal. Bas dono ek doosre kuchh pal ke liye dekhti rahi. Phir na jaane Rupali ke dil mein kya aayi ke vo do kadam pichhe hati aur samne khadi Payal ko sar se pair tak nangi dekhne lagi. Jaise kisi kharidi hui cheez ko achhi tarah se dekh rahi ho. Is baar Payal bhi kuchh nahi boli aur na hi usne apni aankhen band ki. Haath tak niche nahi kiye. Vaise hi haath uper kiye nangi khadi rahi. Rupali phir thoda aage aayi aur dheere se ek haath Payal ki choot par rakha. Payal sihar uthi par boli kuchh nahi. Na hi Rupali ka haath apni choot se hataya.
"Ye baal kyun nahi hatati yahan se?"Rupali ne Payal se puchha to Payal uski taraf chup chap dekhne lagi. Uski aankhen chadh gayi thi jisse Rupali ko andaza ho gaya ke use maza aa raha hai. Rupali ne dheere dheere apna haath choot par uper neeche pherna shuru kiya. Use yakeen nahi ho raha tha ke uske andar ka ek hissa aisa bhi hai jo ek aurat ke saath bhi jism ka maza le sakta hai. Vo chupchap Payal ki choot ragadti rahi aur doosra haath uski chhatiyon par pherna shuru kar diya. Ab Payal ki aankhen band hone lagi thi aur usne zor zor se saans leni shuru kar di thi. Rupali ne uske chehre se nazar hatakar uski chhati par daali aur Payal ke chhote choote nipples ko dekha. Phir agle hi pal usne do kaam kiye. Pehla to ye ke neeche ko jhuk kar Payal ka ek nipple apne munh mein le liya aur doosra neeche se apni ek anguli Payal ki choot ke andar ghusa di.
"Malkin" Choot mein anguli ghuste hi Payal itni zor se hili ke Rupali bhi ladkhadake girte girte bachi. Vo Payal se thodi door hoke sambhli aur khud ko girne se roka.
"Dard hota hai Malkin" Payal ne Rupali se kaha par Rupali ab uski taraf nahi dekh rahi thi. Uski nazar kamre mein ek kone mein rakhe ek doosre box par thi.
Vo box baaki sab saman ke bilkul pichhe ek kone mein rakha hua tha. Dekhkar hi lagta tha ke use chhupane ki koshish ki gayi hai. Box rakhkar uske saamne baaki sab furniture aur doosra saman khincha gaya hai. Par jis vajah se Rupali ka dhyaan us box ki taraf gaya tha vo us box par laga taala tha. Kamre mein aur kisi box par taala nahi tha. Purane bekar pade saman par tala lagakar koi karta bhi kya par na jaane kyun us box par taala tha. Aur use dekhke pata chalta tha ke vo baaki ke boxes ke muqable naya tha.
"Malkin" Payal phir boli to Rupali ne uski taraf dekha. Payal ab bhi vaise hi nangi khadi thi. Usne kapde pehenne ki koi koshish nahi ki thi.
"Tu ek kaam kar. Ismein se kuchh kapde utha le aur kapde pehenkar uper ja. Main aati hoon" Rupali ne kaha
"Par baaki ka kaam?" Payal ne kamre par nigah ghumate hue kaha
"Din dhalna shuru ho gaya hai. Pitaji bhi aate honge. Baaki kal dekhte hain. Tu chal. Main aati hoon thodi der baad" Rupali ne Payal ko jaane ka ishara kiya.
Payal ne box se kuchh kapde uthaye, apne kapde pehne aur sidhiyan chadhti basment se nikal gayi.




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  #575  
Old 26th June 2009
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kunwara42010 kunwara42010 is offline
dooki is my girl :love:
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jaldi update karo plz cant controlllll

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  #576  
Old 26th June 2009
the_vampire the_vampire is offline
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There are 2 aspects of this story ... Erotica and thriller, that i am trying to combine together
Reading the replies, i can say that i have been doing kind of ok with Erotica part but i would really like to know how is the thriller part going ....... Am i able to generate enough curiosity and thrill?
Plz let me know if i am not

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  #577  
Old 26th June 2009
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kunwara42010 kunwara42010 is offline
dooki is my girl :love:
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hey dude ek bat bataun
jitna romanch is srory me hai na utna to kisi suspence movie me bhi nahi hota nice work keep it going.......

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  #578  
Old 26th June 2009
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Shakespeare002 Shakespeare002 is offline
MaRnA tO pAdEgA dAdA :smoking:
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Repped the great writer!
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  #579  
Old 26th June 2009
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janu002 janu002 is offline
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amazing dear nice one

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  #580  
Old 26th June 2009
filament29 filament29 is offline
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arey boss, why do you forget you're putting together a masterpiece. everything is more than perfect here.

as for your question, yes you've been very well able to generate enough of curiosity, fun, excitement and the quest to know more as the mystery deepens. the best thing is you've been able to provide good exposure to all the elements while keeping the balance. however, I would prefer the thriller part getting more weightage. :-)

Last edited by filament29 : 26th June 2009 at 01:09 PM.

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